Curses!
by Lilith-dono
Summary: Integra made Alucard a promise, and now Alucard wants her to fulfill it. Seras, being a nosy little person, decides to eavesdrop on their plans. And what she hears makes her ears go red in embarrassment.


The night was dim, pitch black, outside the windows behind the woman at the desk. She scowled at the papers that lay lifelessly on her desk. After giving them a good glare for a moment or two, she began to tap her white-gloved fingers impatiently on the desk, sizing up the latest reports Walter, her faithful butler and Hellsing assistant, had given her before returning to more research that might prove useful. But it wasn't the papers that disgusted her at all—it was what was on the papers. The number of vampire reports was rising to the point where it was becoming ridiculous. Why now? And, she might add, why in bloody England?

Her blue eyes ran away from the alarming numbers and she sighed. Shouldn't she be snug in bed like a normal person at this hour? Oh why couldn't she? Because she couldn't. Because she had to be a workaholic. She swept her long blonde hair over her shoulders before giving her eyes a good rub. Boy, she was getting tired.

_I hate my job, _she thought simply. _But someone has to do the shit nobody else wants to do these days. _

She paused for a moment, stopping her racket on the desk where her fingers thrummed. Was that a noise she just heard?

She remained quiet for a few moments, hesitating to move. When the sound didn't appear again, she sighed. It was probably the room creaking again.

**Swish.**

Nope, that wasn't just a creak. It couldn't be. _Either that or I'm going senile in my early twenties. _With a grin, she snapped her fingers together, though her gloves muffled the affect she wished to present. Why didn't she realize the noise before?

"Alucard, I know you're there. Come out all ready and stop being a fool this instant." She raised an eyebrow at the darkness leaking from the wall and his eerie faint chuckle.

_What an ego_, she thought bitterly.

"Master, you know me far too well." She propped her chin on her palm, her elbow resting on the desk. She gave the air of utmost boredom.

"I'd expect so." She replied before pausing. "I have known you for ten years now, once I think of it. Controlled you for ten years." She smirked at the registered flash in his eyes as she picked up a fresh cigar from the metal case on her desk.

"The way you smoke will cause early death." She shrugged him off, giving a little spin to the left in her chair.

"You may lecture me all you want, Alucard, but I won't listen to a word."

"I never expect you to listen, Master." He told her in a seductive whisper. She let out a long hard sigh after she took a lengthy drag on her cigar.

"What is it now?"

"It's Thursday night." He reminded her. "Remember of your promise, Master Integra?" Integra froze for a moment as she inched around in her chair to look at the grinning vampire before her.

"I don't believe today is the day you claim it to be." _Yes it is, yes it bloody is, _she thought in sheer frustration.

"I believe it is. If you check your calendar, my Lady?" Integra sank lower in her chair, desperately wishing for a random vampire upheaval to take Alucard away from the conversation at hand.

"I see…" She said sternly. He smirked at her formality and bitterness.

"You promised." Was his husky reply. She tried to not squirm in her chair.

"It's degrading to both you and myself." His smirk broadened.

"But it's _fun_." He told her simply. _Only an ingrate like you would find something that repulsive fun_, Integra thought.

"One night." He whispered, the seductive tone in his voice returning. "It won't hurt…it's not like you haven't played before." Integra forced back a blush that threatened to surface. How would he know if she…if she…?

"How do you know that?" She asked, anger hinting in her features. She watched him stand straight, that horrible smirk on his lips eating away at his face.

"I've been your servant for ten years, Master Integra. I know things not even you yourself can remember." Integra was relieved from the conversation when she heard a loud noisy knock on the door. She usually hated interruptions, but this time wasn't exactly the moment to care. She was happy for it at most.

"Come in." She called sternly, righting herself in her chair. Alucard's smirk fell a notch.

"S-Sir Integra, Walter assigned me to bring you more d-documents." Integra frowned as the wimpy police girl draculina entered her sight. Never did she exactly like the police girl—she found her more of a nuisance, if anything. She couldn't comprehend how Alucard could find her so amusing. The vampire was simply twisted, if that was the correct word for him. Twisted.

_I should tell him that this minute. But, somehow, I think he'd take it more as a compliment rather than an insult_, she thought, her frown deepening as the papers were placed on her desk carefully.

"Give Walter my regards. I'll check on them first thing in the morning. You are dismissed, police girl. Otherwise that, I believe I'll be headed for bed. Now—"

"It's a bit early for heading to bed, don't you believe, _Master Integra_?" Integra flinched in anger at his tone. That conniving vampire!

"My week has been rough." She told him through gritted teeth. "Have you any reason for me to remain awake, Alucard, that may concern the Hellsing foundation?" She wasn't exactly eager to see his eyes gleam the way they were. It was as if Alucard was a beast hunting down his prey, signaling them out among all the others…she was his prey and she knew she had nowhere to run.

"Um…S-Sir Integra?" She turned her harsh glare from Alucard to the police girl.

"What is it, police girl?" She spat. "Are you having troubles locating your room or is that even too much to handle for you?" She heard Alucard's low whistle, but she chose to ignore it for the moment. There was no need to get into another argument with the stubborn vampire.

"A-A-Ah…" Integra then smiled. She loved scaring the shit out of the newbie. It absolutely made her day. "W-Walter wanted you to give him some papers in return, I think?" Her face fell. Being so angry with Alucard, she had completely forgotten of the files Walter had wanted. Before she could face any embarrassment with her forgetfulness, Alucard had a stack of papers in hand.

"Here." He handed them to the girl with a smirk. "I believe these are the correct files."

"Of course, Master!" The girl piped, annoying Integra to her fullest. She nearly growled. _The police girl is more pathetic than I first imagined. The love-struck fool…_

"Now leave." Alucard told her, finality in his voice. "Integra and I have some friendly…chatting to do." Integra flinched physically as the police girl looked from her master to the head of Hellsing. Just what in the name of God was going on?

"Yes Master!" She cried, edging out of the room in a hurry. But she didn't leave. Oh no, she wouldn't leave until she heard just what their friendly 'chat' would be about. Sir Integra looked too angry, and her master looked too amused. Perhaps it was worth the sit and wait to know what they would be discussing?

"I can't understand why you turned that girl into a draculina." Integra said stiffly. "I never knew women like her suited your tastes, Alucard." Integra took a drag as she heard his soft chuckle. A frown appeared on her face.

"Why I never thought you of all people could feel jealousy, dear Master Integra." She stiffened to the point where she could finally resemble a meter stick.

"Jealous?" She asked with an incredulous look on her face, finally snapping out of the stupor Alucard inflicted on her. "Jealous? Why would I be jealous of a wretch like her?"

"Why would you?" He countered, his smirk once again consuming his whole mouth.

"You must be the reason I grow older." She mumbled, her frown etched almost permanently in her face.

"You are changing the subject. You owe me my fun."

"Your fun?" She spat. "That's a sick pleasure, Alucard!"

"A pleasure well worth the wait." He purred, causing the eavesdropper to contain their loud gasp. H-Her M-Master wasn't assuming just that, now was he? She never knew Sir Integra and Master held such a scandalous relationship! Did the others know? Or was she the only one?

"Sick." She repeated. _I pray to God and everything holy, do **not **let me lower myself to play such a trivial and disgusting game._ "Why must you always press this on me?" She felt her locks of hair lift from her shoulder, making her hold the gasp when she saw him raise the strands to his nose.

"Hmm…you smell divine, Master. New shampoo, perhaps?" She swatted his hand away.

"Hands off."

"You promised." He chimed again. "Tonight's my night. We play." Integra frowned as he began to play with her long locks once again, twisting the hair around his fingers.

"You'll play dirty." She said stubbornly.

"I may play as dirty as I want to. It's my night, Master, and you have given me full control." She finally gave another hard sigh in defeat, taking another drag of her cigar.

"Bring me the lighter there on the book case. It's going to take many of these to get me through this night." She could feel his boyish excitement rolling off the vampire in waves. She sighed again. How degrading.

Seras dug her nails into her palm. Were they honestly going to do it? In her office? On her DESK! It seemed so…so immoral of Sir Integra. But Seras had to let her slide a bit. She might be as intimidating as hell, but she was still a woman, after all, and every woman had needs…besides, Alucard was a fine specimen of man…erm, vampire. She could understand why Sir Integra would fall prey to his charms.

Seras quickly stood up when she heard a frustrated groan from inside the office.

"You have to put it in there harder, fool, or it'll only fall out of place." Seras felt her cheeks turn rosy as she ran quickly down the hallways. They WERE doing the unthinkable! What would Walter say when he heard about this?

"WALTER!" Seras cried, entering a bleary stoned room where the butler was now seated behind a desk. He glanced up non-amused.

"Did you bring the papers I asked for, Miss Victoria?" She nodded vigorously, placing the papers with a loud thump on the desk.

"You will not believe what I just found out!" She cried. Walter sighed, adjusting his monocle.

"You have a bad case of gossip, Miss Victoria. As much as I'd enjoy hearing your news, I have important work to finish." Seras leaned forward.

"It's very quick. And absolutely shocking." She watched the older man sigh and lean back in his chair.

"And what is it?"

"Right now, in Sir Integra's office, Alucard and Integra are doing something very immoral." She winked several times for Walter to catch onto her meaning. "Something _very _immoral."

"Sir Integra would never do something so foolish!" Walter cried, his cheeks a pale pink. Seras nodded.

"I swear they were, Walter. Alucard mentioned something about 'pleasure' and 'his turn to have some fun'. And I heard her…" Seras blushed even more. "I heard Sir Integra groan and tell him he had to put it in harder or it would fall out of place!" The two adults watched each other in disbelief, trying to grasp the scandalous act of two of Hellsing's most vital members were committing.

"What if Sir Integra becomes pregnant?" Walter murmured. Seras shrugged.

"Then I guess Master becomes a daddy!"

"Are you positive?" He asked, eyeing Seras. She was controlling her emotions at the moment to try and place everything together.

"Let's see if they are. I didn't look, but I definitely heard well enough."

"Should we honestly nose our way into our Lady's business?" He asked, resuming his professional self. "It is of no concern to us if they are involved in any way."

"You could become Uncle Walter soon enough! Imagine, little monsters running around Hellsing with blonde hair and red eyes, or blue eyes and black hair." She paused before giving a small chuckle. "_You'd _have to be the babysitter." Walter straightened in alarm as his face drained of color.

"I can't handle Alucard's children, Miss Victoria! They'll turn out like their father and they'll become miscreants!" He shook his head. "Whatever they're commencing in, we must stop it this instant!" Seras nodded in agreement.

"Let's go all ready! She'll surely be pregnant if they go at it all night. We have to stop them before anything serious really starts to happen." She gasped as she realized she was talking to the wall in front of her. Glancing out the door, she could see Walter all ready sprinting towards his destination.

"Sir Integra! Sir Integra!" Walter called as he neared her office. Seras followed in complete surprise. Walter hated kids _that _much? He lost his cool just because of harmless children? "I beg of you, my lady, please resist Sir Alucard's charm! Children may wait!" He crashed through the doors, followed by Seras.

"Curses, you damn vampire! You sank my battleship!" Alucard turned to his right as Integra pounded her fists on the desk repeatedly, pulling out her third cigar.

"Police girl, I thought Master Integra dismissed you?" Seras blushed a deep red as Integra looked up from her spot. After a few moments of silent stupor, her shoulders began to shake in rage.

"I…" Integra began, venom dousing her voice. "Thought…I…DISMISSED…You…"

"M-M-My Lady…" Walter began, noting each adult had all clothes on, and was in no disheveled state. "A little bird told me that you and Sir Alucard were…" He paused, pink on his cheeks as his last words came in a mumble. The last thing they could only understand was "Babies".

"Explain." Alucard demanded calmly, eyeing the infuriated Integra.

"I-I j-j-just thought M-Master and Sir I-Integra w-were…well…" She scratched her head in embarrassment. Integra stood up, fire burning in her eyes, as she bashed her fists on her desk. She angrily swept the game out of her way, the pieces spreading on the floor.

"OUT!" She screamed. "OUT, OUT, OUT!" The two quickly dispersed, each valuing their own life.

"You ended the game…" Alucard mumbled with a frown as he glanced at the overturned Battleship game they were just playing. "I guess we'll have to start again." She glared at him with such a burn that it could rival the sun's heat. "Or we could commence in what the police girl was insinuating we were doing…"

"OUT!" Integra screamed. "YOU OUT TOO!" He stood up from his seat with a heavy sigh.

"I'll catch you on a better night, I guess." He smirked, blowing Integra a kiss as his small way of teasing. "Have fresh dreams, _darling _Master Integra…" And before Integra could pounce and attack he was gone.

She sat back down gracelessly and tried to calm the fury that shook her body. She clenched and unclenched her fist.

_This proves it. I absolutely HATE my job._

* * *

My first Hellsing fanfiction. I'm proud of it (seeing that I wrote it at midnight). I know the idea has gotten around, for God's sake it's Battleship, but I wanted to do one of my own. If anyone originally thought of this idea and wrote a Hellsing parody, well, I guess we have the same thoughts, right? I'm just entering into Hellsing fanfiction so pardon me this once. 

You just gotta love Integra and Alucard together. I rather dislike Seras (you can see it shows in this short story). Oh well.

Enough about me, what about you? Tell me what you thought of it in a review. I love to hear your comments.

Oh, yes, I have nothing against Battleship. Keeping Integra in character, I believe she wouldn't find the game as amusing as Alucard thinks it is. She'd be disgusted, most likely.

(I usually am good about keeping things spelled right, but I need some help. If you find any mistakes, please tell me. I don't want to seem like a complete idiot).


End file.
